(no subject)

Decided to try my hand at bromeliads, because my grandparents always have tons and tons of them and they look lovely. I'm also told that they're extremely low-maintenance. Given that I've killed two of my orchids recently and I'm fighting to keep my hibiscuses alive,* I'm willing to try something new. Especially if it's an indoor plant that isn't the same size as the orchids, to add some visual interest. Maybe. And finally do something with my adorable pots that don't belong on the balcony but are too big for the orchids.

Anyway. My grandparents have some truly impressive aechmea in their doorway, so of course I wanted one because it has stripes and a crazy looking flower on top. They called me about the bromeliad seller back at the farmer's market, and away we went. I got the standard red flowered bromeliad** because they're nice enough, and I got myself an Aechmea Chantinii because it's so pretty and I can't let my grandparents hog all the pretty plants.

They warned me it has spikes. You can see them on the leaves, sort of. Leaf spikes! Whatever, right?

Internet, this plant wants to kill me. I've had cacti safer than this bromeliad. My mom used to show roses, we had 200+ rose bushes in the yard, and I wasn't as afraid of touching them as I am of this plant. Just getting the bag off was an adventure in dermal integrity.

*Two of them died of overwatering. I ask the expert I bought them from, and he's like "yeah if the soil stays wet, that could happen. Water less." "So how often? Every two or three days, when I see the soil dry?" "No! You have to water them every day!" "But... I'm overwatering them when I do it that way....?"

**For the record if you want to buy bromeliads: that stalk, be it red or whatever color, is not leaves. It's a flower. It will die and you'll have a green plant the rest of the year, after which the stalk may or may not grow back depending on your care. My grandfather recommends just chucking the bromeliad when that happens because they're decoration, but I can't bring myself to do that.