damselfish | Boobtacular Spectacular

It came to my attention that I was wearing the wrong bra size, and for some reason got a bee in my bonnet about fixing this straight away.

So it was time to buy things. I quickly came across two problems:

1) The bigger the cup gets, the more likely it is that the straps will be in your armpits. I mean, what? My ribcage is the same size in proportion to my shoulders, why are the straps migrating further out until they're coming out of my armpits like Scylla emerging from the straits. I'm sure this is a problem easily fixed by finding bras in a different style, but all the bras I found that fit properly were the full coverage beige workhorses. Nordstrom actually does have some cute bras in a size... close to me, that I can fit into depending on the cut, but as I was there to find the absolutely right bra I wasn't going to buy one where the gore didn't stay flush with my sternum.

2) As you go up cup sizes, the underwires that come between the breasts get... very enthusiastic about lifting and separating. I bought this Curvy Kate cutie pie and the underwire is not only set too far apart but it curls a little, so it forces my boobs apart like it's breaking up a fight. I bought what I thought was a properly-fitted Wacoal, but I had to put a cushion beneath the underwire because it was giving me a rash from all the pain and rubbing after a day of wear.

Shouldn't bigger bras have... less space between the cups? You'd think bigger breasts would have less space between them, what with taking up more real estate-- and I know, I know, tubular breasts are a thing and they're actually more common than the mound-shaped breasts that populate the media and if I had posted this on Tumblr the SJ warriors would be riding right now to flay me for my boob privilege. But seriously. This lifting and separating shit is for the birds. Put them together and make 'em look bigger!

All this trouble was a good reminder of why I shouldn't buy bras online, because odds are good it won't fit and need to be returned, and in the case of BraStop and that Curvy Kate bra, it costs more to return than to just keep it and curse to myself. But my size isn't available in stores except for the big, blah workhorses. I can find the bras online but when I look for the company in a store, they only have the fug, full coverage ones and not even the same styles of what I'm looking at. Guess I'll be sticking with figleaves.com-- sure, they don't have free return shipping either, but at least they're in the US and not the UK.

My kingdom for a plunge-style in a brick and mortar store.