damselfish | What I've Been Up To: Paddleboards

For the past month or two, I've been going to paddleboarding classes which are mostly focused on getting people into races. I don't have much intention of racing but the classes have been invaluable because paddleboarding is not intuitive at all.* Kayaking, fairly intuitive. Paddleboarding, less so. Still, I like it slightly more than kayaking as something to pursue because:

1) Better exercise
2) You can see more stuff from the standing position and I'm here to spy on all the sea creatures
3) Your hands stay dry, never ever underestimate the value of paddling with dry hands

Since class is ending this means it's time to look into the expensive equipment. Luckily for me, they're selling off some of the boards from class! Barely used boards for almost $500 off? Yeeees. Only problem is, they're a bit big and unwieldy for me. On the water they're fine, but I'm 4'11 with proportionally short arms, which means picking it up properly is a challenge. That's when you have the board, face down on the ground, and you reach across it to lift the opposite side. Which means I've rolled 30 pound boards onto one of my big toes... a lot. Then I have trouble getting them onto my head because they're just wide enough that I can't get my arms around them and carrying a board under one arm is a no go.

I found out one of the boards they're selling is the Suplove Stingray. That is, one of the fastest boards on the market right now.

"" (Watch on YouTube)

Instructor's bringing it to class on Tuesday and it does solve some problems over the current boards. It's 14 feet (versus the standard 11'6" I'm using) but it's 8 pounds lighter. Then I reach the worrying note: "one of the fastest flatwater boards around." It's so tippy that the instructor said that if you can paddle on that, you can paddle on anything. Given that I want ocean touring because that's what I have the most access to (mix of ocean and mangrove, where I paddle now is about 50 miles north of where I live in some nice canals), this is almost certainly not the board for me (but what is!? The options break down into touring v. racing v. surfing).

Pretty excited to give it a try, though.

I just wish actually figuring boards out and comparing them was easier. I just want a board for my short arms and my relatively light weight, I don't care if the board can hold 250 pounds no problem and the board volume doesn't mean much to me. I'm mostly looking for women's paddleboards which has its own pitfalls (I don't want a super short board, I just want a narrower one! Stop telling me about yoga, dammit!), and while I'm as appearance-conscious as anybody else (and then some, probably), goddamn y'all if you're gonna make it pink and flowery at least make it attractively so. Pink + flowers doesn't mean women will automatically love it. Unlike other sports, though, women make up a huge part of the paddleboarding community (my kayak group is about 50/50 men and women but my paddleboarding class is all women and the social group is "201 bitches," so... that tells you about the gender make-up, though the races I've been to have been closer to 50/50, suggesting to me that men are some sort of paddleboarding hermits, appearing only to race and disappear again) which means that there's actually a lot of boards and companies targeting women directly. Much like skiing! And, much like skiing, I am still smaller than what most equipment makers consider and am constantly asked, have you tried the kids' stuff?

Then the mean voice in my head goes "you're going to drop a lot of money on this hobby and then move to DC" and the voice goes off, cackling, while I admit that it has a point.

*When I first saw paddleboarders, it was usually women in bikinis looking like they're having a lazy day and I was like "that looks boring and easy!" I later learned that paddleboarding is an intense core workout. Then I learned, after actually trying it, that it's even harder than that. In fact, the class started because one of the people involved tore a rotator cuff because you're not supposed to paddle with your arms at all. WHAT? How are you supposed to figure that out on your own!? So basically at the end of the day my arms might hurt (since your arms are involved) but the muscles that're sore for a day or two after an intense session are the obliques (never felt soreness in those before) or the muscles right above my butt when I've been doing it wrong. Which is often.