(no subject)

Saw Pirates 4 yesterday! This surprises no one, I know. But I haven't seen much discussion of it other than one-liners, so I wanna say my piece.

Despite the bad reviews, I enjoyed it, but I have a really high threshold for bad fantasy, to the point where I can hardly tell what's good or bad anymore just because there's so much bad out there. I'm not normally an advocate of turning one's brain off during movies, but I could happily enjoy an adventure flick with pretty scenery, costumes, and effects, never mind the bad plotting. In my humble, ADHD-biased opinion, the PoTC franchise has some of the best ratio of action to character seen in recent movies. The action scenes are just short and varied enough I don't get bored, and the character scenes are busy enough that I'm interested through them. It was better than the third movie, probably on par with the second, and the plot wasn't confusing as some reviewers complain (then maybe you should stop texting, it had a really simple plot). Sure there were points where you were like "oh yeah, those guys. Oh that guy" but if you have two braincells to rub together you're never surprised when they finally get back to a plot thread they'd left dangling. But if you're like me, you might forget that one group existed and go "oh yeah, them!" when they reappear. The movie is rife with subplots, many of which are unnecessary.

It had all the things you want from PoTC! Like costumes. I don't even care, man. The costumes in these movies are flawless. I don't care how anachronistic they may be, whoever dresses the cast has a sense of style I can only lust over. That continues in this one, with Angelica's awesome clothes and, and-- they remembered that Blackbeard lights his beard on fire! Yes, guys, that was historically accurate. Or at least, there were rumors that he did so to frighten folks. All the coats. I always love the coats in these movies. Dressing men well is hard, and they do it. Pirates has a panache to the design that allows me to overlook a lot of the storytelling weaknesses because so pretty.

Ian McShane is a good addition to the cast; he manages to hold his own even with Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush around, doing their thing. To be honest, as long as Rush continues making these movies, I'll go see them. He is amazing as always, and this felt more like a Barbossa movie than a Jack Sparrow movie since they actually switch to Barbossa being Barbossa. My parents said he was over the top in this one, and I was just like "have you... seen any other PoTC movie?" The man consistently dominates the screen when he's there. He's competent to Sparrow's... Sparrow. Though on that note: the movie opens really, really strong and filled me with hopes that it really is an improvement for the series. Jack is being all sly and cunning like they always imply he is in the earlier movies, but he came across as more bumbling and lucky than intelligent. The beginning sequence is about a guy who's smart. And lucky.

Unfortunately it doesn't last and the movie starts to unravel as they always do. Jack kind of fades in interest for me compared to Blackbeard and Barbossa. But I've never watched PoTC for Depp, which puts me in a tiny minority, I know. The removal of Will and Elizabeth was a decision much-lauded by fans, but I never hated them like so many people, and honestly I wouldn't have been averse to even a mention of Pirate King Elizabeth (and her awesome coats). Instead, we get Angelica, who was hailed in early interviews as someone who can "match Jack." Penelope Cruz meets with very... vocal opinions, but I didn't think she was bad. I hated the character once I got to know more of her, though, especially toward the end. She starts strong but at the end... bleh. Elizabeth was a much stronger female character in the franchise.

The scenery was gorgeous, though one has to wonder why there are such high cliffs and rain forests and mountains in Florida (they're seeking the Fountain of Youth, which you know if you have seen any trailer, so it's no spoiler to say that. As I've been to Ponce de Leon's Fountain of Youth, I can tell you they don't go to St. Augustine). I originally thought the filming was in Costa Rica (the jungle over the mountains!) but should have known it's Hawaii, since Hawaii is always the default for mountain-y jungle. Either way, it looks nothing like Florida. But I don't care, as it's pretty. Again. I'm willing to forgive a lot about this movie.

Honestly I'll probably buy it just for the scene of the mermaids attacking, because they're the best mermaids I've seen in a movie uhm... ever. I am a qualified expert on mermaids, you know. I can say these things. Why are they awesome?:

No knees. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I understand when you have women in a mermaid suit, knees are inevitable, but they show up in art. Art! You've hand-drawn what is essentially a fish or snakey thing, and you gave her KNEES!? Why!? Anyway. No knees. Thumbs up. They move like fish-things.

They're the quintessential mermaid myth, teasing and deadly and alien; it's the whole threatening, monstrous feminine thing going on that I love about the mythology. They're powerful entities (able to knock a guy out of a boat! And then some), and they make satisfying whoosh noises as they swim. And no unnecessary bubbles (another pet peeve, what gives with the bubble jets that the standard mermaid tail has?) ladycrysiana told me they were pretty awesome, And by "pretty awesome" I mean "let's write papers about sirens as the untamable, wild part of women that men look to suppress". In her words. Which is pretty much... yes. I could write a thesis on the taming of women into domesticity by the love of a man (but I won't, and if you're interested, In Search of the Swan Maiden is a good analysis of the Animal Bride trope). PoTC doesn't follow it explicitly, but again, no spoilers.

I went to this movie to see mermaids and fancy coats. My thoughts: needed more mermaids.

Also, I really hate when there's scenes in trailers that aren't in the movie. There's a scene in some of the trailers where Jack's in the water facing a mermaid, and he goes "Marina! Oh... please don't." And she slaps him. It doesn't fit with the movie's narrative, I get that, but why is it in the trailer? Biggest pet peeve of all! Oh well. I don't get tired of watching him get slapped.