Things The Never Tell You About Morning Exercise

Namely, that it isn't the best in the world.

Oh we've all heard it. "Exercise in the morning, you'll feel good! It'll help you feel awake and alert!" Even I buy into this narrative, and I know better.

Back before law school when I lived at my grandparents' house, I would bike in the morning because it was cooler and it didn't force me to leave the Internet just when I was settling in to talk to people. Every morning it was an uphill struggle. I yawned constantly, sometimes it was so bad that my ears stayed "open" like they do when you yawn (which opens the eustachian tubes, I don't know what actually happened that caused them to stay open-sounding) for the entire bike ride, making every bump jounce painfully. My legs burned, and I counted down the moments until I could get home and collapse in a heap.

Afterward, I would feel worse than when I started out and never felt that upbeat, pleasantly energized feeling that you're supposed to get. I feel it after exercising in the afternoon, so I know what it should be like. I know it exists. It helps me to do more work in the evening.

So I completely forgot about this and hit the gym in the mornings because I'm feeling tired and having a hard time dragging myself out of bed without a serious stimulant pick-me-up (forget plain coffee, let's talk matè or espresso). "Exercise!" I am told. "It will help you wake up better than any caffeine!" Yeah, I think. That sounds awesome.

I felt like I was running through molasses. My legs were full of lead, my head stuffed with cotton, and I just couldn't keep this up. I don't like the gym at the best of times, but it's that or "play in traffic" for my exercise routine, so I've learned to cope with the gym.*

Then I went back to my apartment and collapsed in an exhausted heap, dreaming of a shower and bed. Isn't this the opposite of what you're supposed to feel after morning exercise?

On talking to friends, the consensus is "it's a rare person that can exercise in the morning."

*A lot of exercise advice is, frankly, stupid. "Drive somewhere to exercise!" Lordy, bad enough to lose a half hour 5 times a week to exercise, now you want me to waste more time/gas getting there? I have shit to do, body, you are going to just deal with the options available right here.