Things The Never Tell You About Morning Exercise

[damselfish]

Namely, that it isn't the best in the world.

Oh we've all heard it. "Exercise in the morning, you'll feel good! It'll help you feel awake and alert!" Even I buy into this narrative, and I know better.

Back before law school when I lived at my grandparents' house, I would bike in the morning because it was cooler and it didn't force me to leave the Internet just when I was settling in to talk to people. Every morning it was an uphill struggle. I yawned constantly, sometimes it was so bad that my ears stayed "open" like they do when you yawn (which opens the eustachian tubes, I don't know what actually happened that caused them to stay open-sounding) for the entire bike ride, making every bump jounce painfully. My legs burned, and I counted down the moments until I could get home and collapse in a heap.

Afterward, I would feel worse than when I started out and never felt that upbeat, pleasantly energized feeling that you're supposed to get. I feel it after exercising in the afternoon, so I know what it should be like. I know it exists. It helps me to do more work in the evening.

So I completely forgot about this and hit the gym in the mornings because I'm feeling tired and having a hard time dragging myself out of bed without a serious stimulant pick-me-up (forget plain coffee, let's talk matè or espresso). "Exercise!" I am told. "It will help you wake up better than any caffeine!" Yeah, I think. That sounds awesome.

I felt like I was running through molasses. My legs were full of lead, my head stuffed with cotton, and I just couldn't keep this up. I don't like the gym at the best of times, but it's that or "play in traffic" for my exercise routine, so I've learned to cope with the gym.*

Then I went back to my apartment and collapsed in an exhausted heap, dreaming of a shower and bed. Isn't this the opposite of what you're supposed to feel after morning exercise?

On talking to friends, the consensus is "it's a rare person that can exercise in the morning."

*A lot of exercise advice is, frankly, stupid. "Drive somewhere to exercise!" Lordy, bad enough to lose a half hour 5 times a week to exercise, now you want me to waste more time/gas getting there? I have shit to do, body, you are going to just deal with the options available right here.