Today, In the Patriarchy

[damselfish]

Misogyny is one of those things that, as soon as you realize it's there, you can never unsee it, just like the FedEx arrow. It's not just being told it's there, but really realizing it. And once you do, the rabbit hole never ends.

This morning I sat down to read a short story, and it was well-written, but it was a story about a man with life-or-death power over a non-adult girl, ostensibly for the greater good because she is powerful, yet hysterical.*

When I was 19, I never would have seen a problem with this.

At 26, I get chills, but not for the reason the author wanted me to have them. I glanced at the byline. Yep. Written by a man. Not a chill this time, so much as resignation.

I don't know the author, I can't say whether he's a bad person, or a creep, or whatever, and I doubt he is, except for the part where he sounds like a creeper because of the story he wrote. Most people who perpetuate these kinds of narratives don't realize they're engaging in kyriarchical structures and reinforcing them but that doesn't make it less unsettling. It isn't about a single story, because it's never about just one story. It's about the fabric, about this narrative as a single thread added to a tapestry. How many stories are out there about men (not women, men) who have to somehow deal with female hysteria? Either protect the world from their madness-fueled power or protect himself or his friends. Because those women, man, they be crazy.

But there's something about seeing these stories written by men that adds that extra layer of discomfort.

A grown man with power over a girl. Justified by the world through [plot-point of choice]. It is a good thing. He is a good man.

I could give you any number of narratives that happen again and again and again that reinforce the patriarchy. I only focus on this one because it's the one that gave me the squidgy feeling this morning. These stories say things-- so much more than the words on the page. They tell me about the author. About how he's never had to look at the world and think about the opposite gender trying to control him ever since he was a child-- with their size, with their strength, with their privilege. How the world tells him that his gender is dangerous when given power, and so he should remain powerless. How his gender has a proclivity toward madness.

About how he thinks he can make a justification for a big, adult man murdering a female child and how that is good, because she's hysterical and dangerous to the world at large.

Usually these stories will include details to make them less unpalatable. "Oh, it's not just women who are crazy, I just chose to focus on a women. In this one instance. That doesn't reinforce ideas about men controlling women, it's merely coincidence." As if coincidence exists when writing: as if everything an author does isn't a choice on some level, as if the internal editor doesn't ever pipe up and go "you know, that may be a bad idea."

I don't want to feel it. I don't want to see it. That's what ticks me off when people say "you're just looking for it" or "you should just turn your brain off." It's the FedEx arrow. You cannot unsee it. I'm not looking for it. My sight falls on it and it's there and I can't make it go away by saying "I didn't see that."

And it's... tiring. That's the most frustrating part. It's tiring, because most of the people I speak to don't see it, and will argue that it's not there. That's not an arrow, it's just an 'E' and an 'x' next to one another.

But I think what set me off about this particular story was analogizing murdering a 15-year-old girl suffering from paranoid delusions and tenderly describing her crumpled on the floor in confusion ("What's happening to me?" she whispered. She wore the same terrified expression as when he had rescued her from an assassin three years ago) to a mother murdering her husband for beating her son (to protect him, as he now protects the kingdom from the super-powerful but mentally ill queen). Like, there were flames on the side of my face at that analogy. Because being mentally ill is just like choosing to beat your wife and son, and being a fifteen-year-old girl with super-powers is just like an adult man striking his children.

Guess what, authors: I will never, ever feel sorry for the poor man who has to murder the girl. I will only ever feel sorry for the girl who has to suffer at the hands of a bunch of men, who has to die because some male author said she should, and I will forever think he's kind of gross for thinking that the murderer is somehow the object of sympathy rather than a murderer.

Also the girl is bubbly and quirky (because that's how girls are, silly, superficial, and ditzy-- she is also the only female character in the story). In the end, she was murdered for making everyone's clothes yellow.

*Here's the kicker: some of you may know what story I'm talking about just because of today's date and being on the same mailing list. That's irrelevant, though. Think, how many stories did I just describe with this very specific set of facts? Yeah.

Comments

[kit_r_writing]

Oh argh, this is just so infuriating! I am really tired of the whole manpain trope.

(Plus there's the additional baggage that the term 'hysteria' carries with it.)

[damselfish]

Yeah-- the baggage is exactly why I chose to use the word. You often have a lot of insane female characters, and even if no one uses "hysteria" it's lurking in the corners. Women are so often mad* in the same ways, you don't have to call her hysterical for the readers to know what you mean. Especially when a man has to come in and silence her. 'Cause that sure doesn't play into tropes of controlling out-of-line women or anything. She's hysterical, she's beyond the reach of rational means, what do you want us to do? /barf

Though now I have to ask how you found my journal, 'cause I'm not too active on DW and I'm pleased you got the point of this rant! And I like people who enjoy my fish posts. ♥

*Mad because we can't possibly have an understanding of mental illness or the ableist implications of writing off a character as "mad."